STS: On Discomfort

Sup todos!

Happy SPIRITUAL THOUGHT SUNDAY.

Jessie please don’t preach at us seriously this is not what I signed up for

Oh ye of little faith, calm yo’selves. Just something that happened to me. If you want to read it, here it is.

So it has been officially one week since I arrived in Spain. And I totally missed the ferry to fluent island, because I am struggling just a bit. I mean as you can imagine, regardless of how much you speak of any language-if it’s not your first, it’s going to be hard. So yep.  My understanding is pretty high when it comes to just random conversation I can follow that no problem. It’s tougher in sporadic conversation in new places such as ordering food at a restaurant you don’t even recognize  (as in: still not sure what I ate, still not sure what type of restaurant… grateful for menus with pictures, etc), when someone approaches you for help or a question and you were not even paying attention… things like that. That’s tough for me. I’ve only had a few tragic incidences where my 90% understanding fell to the wayside, except the most recent one was when I accidentally told my host mom that we only pray once a month on the first Sunday. I guess she wasn’t asking when we fast haha…

So with this, I’ve had to become 1. A lot more dedicated to studying and 2. a lot more prayerful. I’ve been praying a lot for help with the language, but today for fast Sunday I actually just on a whim decided to pray to feel more comfortable with the language but also with my host family. Because after taking 5 minutes of back and forth trying to correct myself about the “fasting” issue earlier, I wasn’t exactly feeling on top of it all.  We just call that being served a big slice of humble pie. Because I definitely ate it.

I had a really cool day today in spite of myself however haha!

Going to church is really fun because it’s a familiar thing in a foreign place. And at the same time, it’s very different and uncomfortable. It’s loud, there are a lot of people talking, people start up those sporadic conversations that take me off guard, no one really remembers your name despite there being 100 new people for us to meet and only 12 new americans to remember for them, they speak crazy fast (especially when praying), and at least for me sometimes all I want to do is participate in class but I don’t even know the answer in English haha. #convertprobs

BUT

Church is really great. To have a time to reflect on the week and learn more about Christ in another part of the world is a huge blessing. I can’t imagine coming to Spain without being able to go to church for three months. I keep a spiral/journal of words that I don’t know or want to remember that I hear during church. It’s a very full journal haha.

Beyond all of this, the great thing that happened was that we had a family visit us. Or rather I came home and there were five kids under the age of 8 in our back patio. Juan Pablo, Maria, Teresa, Santiago, y Pepa. They were SO CUTE.  We had lunch together after church and I had ended up talking with their dad Javier who is a translator for Microsoft. He speaks Spanish, French, and English with profiency levels in that order. But he was really kind once he figured out I was a student and actually sat down with me to help me with some grammar-specific questions I had.

Javi and I continued talking and then the girls put together a show for us where they danced and put together a 30 second slideshow of selfies they took on an ipad haha. I have no idea where they got the ipad, but it was really cute. I had a great time with both their family and mine. Also sad but true: I know with full assurety now that at 20 years old I speak Spanish with less fluency than a 5 year old Spaniard.

Anyhow to me, this day was a tender mercy.

I sat around following the conversation as it bounced understanding at least 50% of it, but over all I just had a really good time. And this really isn't so much of a spiritual thought as it is an acknowledgement that things can be hard. And I didn't really want to write it, because obvs doesn't everyone want their life to seem super cool, without flaw, and just generally-speaking perfect? (channeling the lego movie: "you see what I'm talking about? all I ask is for total perfection!") Except I don't actually want my life to seem that way. Not really, anyways. I'll be the first one to tell you it isn't. Can't have it all for nothing! So what I guess I'm going to pull out of all of this is:

New experiences can be hard to stomach. Being uncomfortable with your abilities is sometimes a part of life- when you're either going to have to decide to be complacent or to get to work. I'm grateful for the oppurtunities I have here to grow, and grateful for prayer. I'm grateful for my family who lovingly support me across the globe, and a university with so many incredible programs to help foster growth such as this. 

Anyhow, that's about it. Other things that are not important that I like to include anyways: my hands always smell like rubber bands here. I really truly genuinely have no idea why. I hope nobody has caught on to how many times I've gone to smell my finger tips because it's just beyond me the reason why they'd be that way. 

Con amor,

JD

EDIT: and for those who were deeply concerned about my personal ability to endure hard things: the temperature has dropped and it's starting to feel normal outside and at night. Hallelujah.

some pinterest quotes for the road and things I've read recently:

1. "Was that Revelation or Just Me?"
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865635986/BYU-Education-Week-2015-Was-that-Revelation-or-Just-Me.html?pg=all

2. "How to Live Wisely"
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/02/education/edlife/how-to-live-wisely.html?_r=1

3. "Blessings of the Sabbath Day"
https://www.lds.org/church/news/blessings-of-the-sabbath-day?cid=HP_TH_7-30-2015_dOCS_fCNWS_xLIDyL1-C_&lang=eng