On Hard Times

Something I put on Facebook earlier this week in the conclusion of finals. For my own purposes, I'm posting it here as well-in an attempt to keep more "serious" writings together.




This has been the most difficult semester I've had at BYU thus far, 0% because of my classes. I've been learning a lot of new things about being an adult and doing right every day, but it's hard; It takes a lot to be human. And no one can really tell you how it's best done. But today I am grateful to God. I have average grades, i get really nervous to make new friends, I talk a lot, doubt my strengths, and pretty much cry at least once a week because I get overwhelmed / scared / frustrated --and if it's not falling out of my mouth in some random arrangement of words, it's definitely streaming down my face in tears.

And yet, I know God loves me.

And I know that He is aware of me.

Sometimes when I'm frustrated, God feels so distant. Like how you see the moon in the sky, but you'll never touch it. It just sits and hangs out above our heads, but you don't really see what it does. If we could only see how the moon pulls the tides. If we knew it was the moon in the rare and beautiful eclipses. If we remembered that it is by moonlight we are led on our darkest of nights.

Today, I'm humbled and reminded that God is not distant. He is here, and He sees me. He gives me daily bread! I didn't touch God today, but I certainly was touched by His love and care. And for today, I am fed.

#Where I Am


I've experienced a lot since coming home from Spain. I know it sounds like I did something harder and left for longer, but it's really just the way my brain breaks up the time. I suppose you could say "in this last semester", but it's been longer than that. I battle constantly in my mind what is "appropriate to share" with your social media circles/the internet and what isn't ... but the thing is, I have learned most from those who have had the courage to make themselves more transparent and vulnerable beyond long nights and hard conversations. No, I won't be dishing out personal personal bits and my social security number to boot, but I think there's something to be said about admitting mistakes and talking about life in both directions (the ups & downs). I've made a lot of mistakes these last few months, but here's to looking forward with the new seasons to come.



JD