6 months ago I wrote this in response to an email from a friend. I read it for the first time this week when she resent it to me, I hardly remembered writing it at all. But I stand by it.
JD
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Why life is good, even when it’s not always
Otherwise, Life as I See It
The Personal Doctrine of Jessie Dean
I’ve tried to think about this long and hard to give this great, lengthy, enlightening response, but that’s not really my style. And I don’t have that much to say, surprisingly. I’m simple… I don’t get that deep.
I think life is good, because I know it’s good.
It’s as factual as my height, the ground under my feet, the air outside being ice cold… life is good. It really is.
Is my life good all the time? No, not really. And that’s not my favorite thing, but that’s okay.
I get stressed out.
I feel insecure.
I question my abilities.
I doubt my goodness.
I doubt my goodness.
I talk myself out of opportunities to grow.
I let myself believe the voices that circle around my wounds in my mind.
But life is still good.
I come from an occasionally “rough home life”. No, I wasn’t abused-physically or emotionally. But I grew up outside of the gospel, thus just a different environment than I’d personally choose. I can’t go to my parents for the things I really want to, I take a lot of their advice with a grain of salt.
And life is good.
I guess to me, the only thing I really have is my body, and my happiness. I want to help others to be happy, and I can do that. Or at least I can try. Without pulling the gospel into it because the majority of my life didn’t involve it… the reason I’m happy is because I choose to be. It feels better. Sometimes it’s easier. My favorite feeling is to feel like I’ve connected with someone or that we’re having a moment. I love high fives. I love laughing until I cry. I love the sense of family amongst friends. I try to foster these opportunites. I still am not 100% sure how to spell oppurtunities.
I don’t feel happy all the time, but I’d like to be. I try to be.
I’m good at reaching out to others. I’m pretty good at making new friends. I like getting to know others. These things make me happy.
I like learning new things. I like proving myself wrong. Which usually means stepping out of my comfort zone and being willing to be a bit embarrassed.
I love to love, I love to be loved.
I like to make others feel important.
I believe in the gospel of Jesus Christ.
I do know it’s true.
I do believe it to be redemptive, powerful, changing.
I do know it has changed me.
And it is what helps me to be hopeful.
It’s what helps me to keep improving, among other things.
It humbles me! Cuz I have a big head
Those are the thoughts I have. I could probably keep going but I don’t have any specific thoughts.
